The national characteristics of a people are expressed in various ways; in literature, culture, the arts and in business.

This has been obvious for some time in the car industry. The Morgan is quintissentially British, the Citroen 2CV is very French. The German's have a more sedate image with The People's Car that was to become Volkswagen the ancestor of Porsche.

Mercedes have a heritage that runs back through great sedans and the Silver Arrows Racing Team of the 1930s.

The current flagship of the Mercedes fleet is the S-class four door saloon.

I was critical of the car after driving it for an extended period in 2008

I have been driving the car again for the past couple of weeks. The car is worse than I remembered.

The German need for control has been expressed through the technology of the car. The car computer is always in control of this vehicle. The driver never is.

Last Thursday, I was driving from Inverness to Prestwick in the car. I made a detour through Aviemore for a cup of coffee, didn't find a parking spot then got stuck in the snow on the south side of Aviemore.

The car is programmed to do all of the wrong things in snow. And there is no way to turn off the traction control. I spent a night in McDonald's Resort in Aviemore thanks to the Mercedes engineers in Stuttgart. I owe you one, guys.

Yesterday, I was able to get rid of Hitler's revenge and collected a new Jaguar XF.

It is such a glorious relief to do something and have the car respond instead of the car computer on the Mercedes deciding if my instructions fitted in with its plans for the day.

A message to the Mercedes engineers -

"You lost the fucking war. Get over it"

Don't buy a Mercedes. The car will mess with your mind and that's not a good thing.

Give Gavin Goslan of Taggarts Glasgow a call to discuss your new Jaguar. 0141 332 7777. Lovely cars. You will be delighted with the performance, luxury and price of the current Jaguar range.

I had the following exchange with the customer service folk at Mercedes Benz.

24/2/2010

Sirs,

The current S-class Mercedes is an abysmal car.

If you can't build a quality road car, you are wasting shareholders money by supporting a Formula 1 Team

The Scottish Jacobite Party will seek an injunction to prevent Brawn Mercedes competing in the 2010 Formula One World Championship until you demonstrate that you understand the needs of your customers.

Best wishes,
John Black
The Scottish Jacobite Party
www.gaunyersel.com

25/2/2010

Dear Mr Black,

Thank you for your email to our communications department at Mercedes-Benz UK and also to our colleagues at Daimler AG. This has been forwarded to our department for response.

I am sorry to hear of your disappointment with the current Mercedes-Benz S-Class following a recent driving experience. I am also sorry that this has resulted in you cancelling your vehicle orders with Mercedes-Benz of Coldstream.

At Mercedes-Benz we believe we are at the forefront in developing new technologies in vehicle design, all of which are focused on benefiting our customers. As a Mercedes-Benz flagship vehicle the S-Class is no exception. We are constantly looking at ways we can enhance the driving experience of our customers, focusing not only on the appearance and functionality of the vehicle but also where we can improve in vehicle performance, comfort and safety. Customer feedback is obviously a major consideration in this process and we are happy to advise that the S-Class has been voted What Cars best luxury car in 2010 for the fourth year running. I am sorry to hear that whilst driving the vehicle, you experienced some difficulty with the vehicle controls. We would obviously expect that following purchase, the features and controls of the vehicle are explained by the salesman at the time of its handover. We also feel that gaining familiarly with the benefits and features of the vehicle is part of the ownership experience. It is unfortunate that the S-Class has not met with your expectations, however thank you for taking the time to contact us.

Kind regards

Tracy Christman
Customer Support Team Leader
Mercedes-Benz UK Limited

27/2/2010

Tracy,

Punt this upstairs about a couple of levels above your pay scale. I am not an idiot. I resent stupid b*****es like you taking me for an idiot.

I am a couple of months short of seventy years of age. My lawyer, Jonathan Clinch of McArthur Stanton, Helensburgh is my psychologist and can count to ten. He thinks that I have all of my marbles. I have a PhD from Glasgow University. I was Professor of Biochemistry and Medical Genetics at Oregon Health Sciences University from 1967 to 1985. I finished 32nd in the 1970 Junior TT at the Isle of Man, 24th in the 200 Mile National Championship Road Race at Daytona Beach, Florida in 1970, 27th in the Inaugural Champion Spark Plug Motorcycle Classic at Ontario Motor Speedway, California in 1971, 13th in the 125 Mile National Championship Road Race at Sears Point, California in 1969. I held an SCCA National Competition License from 1972 to 1975 and results included a 13th place finish in the 1974 Pepsi Pro Invitational at Westwood, BC, Canada driving a Formula Ford.

I am still reasonably quick on a bike or a car though I haven't been on a race track since 1975.

The Mercedes S-class is a disgrace to the good name of Mercedes. Your dealers are stuck with selling a car which has the potential to be the best car in the world but has been sabotaged by engineers who seem incapable of integrating technology in an unobtrusive way. While there are situations where the electronics in the car can make intelligent decisions for the driver, there are instances when the driver must be in control. This is never the case with the current S-class. I had to spend Thursday night in Aviemore because the car is hopeless in snow. It is programmed to do the exact opposite of what any intelligent driver would do. And there is no way for the driver to override the system. Some one in Stuttgart decided that I needed to be punished for my sins and spend the night in a McDonald's hotel in Aviemore.

Enough!

I'm buying a Jaguar XF from John Cleland of Clelands of the Borders. The car doesn't quite match the stability and luxury of the S-class Mercedes but it is a welcome relief to drive a car designed by engineers with some connection with the real world and real drivers.

I will seek an injunction in the High Court in London to stop the Brawn Mercedes Team participating in the 2010 Formula 1 World Championship. The £20 million plus they are paying Michael Schumacher would be better spent developing a car that British Mercedes dealers could be proud to sell with the legitimate label - The Best Car in the World.

This will be posted on the web site gaunyersel.com later today.

3/1/2010

Dear Mr Black,

Thank you for your email.

I am sorry that you are disappointed with our response, and that we cannot be of further assistance to you at this time.

Kind regards

Tracy Christman
Customer Support Team Leader
Mercedes-Benz UK Limited